So, I’ve been watching a lot of The Hills lately and despite the fact that nothing really happens and no one really says anything, I can’t stop. It might be because I wish I could be paid millions of dollars to have tense pseudo-conversations at fancy restaurants without even eating anything. It might be because I need to sit through it before the actually substantial and infinitely better “The City” comes on. But it’s mainly because I want to be Brody Jenner’s friend.
For the unbaptized, Brody Jenner is The Hills’ resident stud, and it’s not hard to see why.
please tell me he has "Brody" on the other side
He’s got it all- the Cheshire cat smile, the collection of sweet, sweet hot rods, the torso-length tattoo of his own last name. He can even sweet talk a parrot. Brody is the man, almost. The only thing holding Brody Jenner back is the fact that his friends are fucking lame as fuck.
Here’s one of Brody’s bff’s, Frankie “Mexican Brody” Delgado. Look at this fucking guy. Surely Brody can do better. This guy is doof-on-a-roof. He has a pretend beard grown in a way that creates the illusion of a chin. He communicates with his lawyer via Twitter. On the show, Frankie serves no function other than to laugh at everything Brody says, and you just can’t respect someone like that.
yeah right
The problem with Frankie and the rest of Brody’s friends is that they’re horrible bros. Brody is such the ultimate bro that he even has the word in his name, but his friends are a bunch of sensitive dorks. Every time Brody wants to talk about something cool like cars or booze or partying El Frankie and the rest of Brody’s dude-harem will chime in with something precious like “Yeah, basketball, cool, anyway how is your relationship with Kristen? How are you feeling?” All these guys ever do is compete for who gets to be the shoulder Brody cries on when the man just wants to talk about car engines and throw a football around.
Anyway, I think I’ve exhausted this topic. Brody, hit me up, bro.
PS INDIE MART! SUNDAY! I’m djing from 1:30-3 and then probably doing keg stands after.
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